| well i dont really know what to write cuz i havent written that much and i havent put anything extremely important lately!
yesterday i accomplished a goal, but now im not sure i want that goal to take place. i cant tell anyone what it is because it would defy the whole purpose of it, but what if the effect from that one goal is the only thing holding me and something else together, and once that effect is put into action i lose everything? im scared of a lot of stuff if people havent realized that, and i dont know what to do about it.
in other news i went shopping yesterday, and i got 3 new shirts, yay! but whatever. and then i went to open mike, and saw a bunch of people there, including gabriel, a guy i thought id never see again in my life, plus i was extremely offended by him like a month ago. i went to the lycee with him, and he had a party like 3 weeks ago and i wasnt invited. yeah, and everyone ended up having a really good time apparently! i mean am i really that forgettable not to be invited to the party. but then to make me feel even better, when i saw him yesterday he couldnt remember my name. and then he blamed it on the fact that i changed. fuck that, yes my hair is different, but im still me, and i dont look extremely different. so he was like damn you changed. and i was like good or bad, and he was like i dont know, the same, and i was like that doesnt make any sense at all. then nina left! boo hoo, and i felt really bad cuz she got home and felt sick. so then me and matt r, henry, nime and hadas (shes so nice btw) all went to red moon, and it was pretty good, except for the mustard coke. yeah that was pretty gross. and then we went to the white hen that has like amazingly good hot chocolate. omg henry, it was amazing. but yeah, and then i went home.
this was the only good part of my day yesterday, the only part where i truely felt happy, because i had a sleep over, and for once i truely felt like it was the three musketeers again. its hard letting go of best friends during high school since you dont see them as much, especially if you dont go tothe same school. but lindsay and theo slept over, and it was so nice, just to be able to relax with them and not have a care in the world, except for not trying to get punched in the face by theo whos trying to keep the best spot on the couch, and the best blanket. lol
last bit of news: yesterday was my one year anniversary. yeah, but we couldnt do anything, so w.e., we'll find a way to do something about it later, hopefully.
i hate people who have everything easy. not many people have sustained a relationship for a year, and yet with all of the guys they have they get all this free time with them, they get to go to parties, or just chill, and do stuff with them all the time. no one really knows how to keep a relationship going anymore. to not be able to have everything that you want, but to still strive for it. ughhh, w/e, its part of what makes me who i am
whoever read allof this thank you, and for those who dont then it doesnt really matter cuz none of it made sense anyways, lol. and sorry it was so long!! ~ jenna |
